Mother To Son: "28 Years Ago, Today, I Laid In That Hospital Bed Anxiously Awaiting Your Arrival."

My Jus,

28 years ago, today, I laid in that hospital bed anxiously awaiting your arrival. You made me wait all day until you finally came out head first and eyes wide open. I guess you were anxious to see what was on the other side. You were perfect. I was and still am amazed at why God would give me two such perfect gifts, you and Quentin. You two were perfectly made just for me.  It was truly one of the happiest days of my life.

Today, as I sit and think about so much joy that day brought me, you not being here today brings just that much pain. Never thought I would be having this conversation with you. It was supposed to be the other way around. You should be writing to me. But as you would say, “It is what it is.”

You told me several times that when you cried, you didn't cry for yourself because you were ok, you cried for us. I guess you knew the pain we would feel once you were gone. I only hope you are not crying now.

Sometimes I imagine you with wings stepping with all the precision you had when you stepped here with us.  I imagine hearing you still singing like you used to when you were in the shower. I even go into your room some mornings, look at your bed and wave like I used to. Only now you don’t wave back. It’s a tough time. We made it through 2 birthdays and now trying to get through 3. So we go on. That’s all we can do.

We miss you so much. There is such an emptiness where you were. I have to believe that it will get better one day. At least easier.

Daddy, Quentin, and I will always love you. You brought so much to our lives and you left so much with us. 

Thank you,

Happy Birthday Justin!!!

Mommy’s Love.

Mother To Son: "Jus, You Would Be So Proud Of FCWP!"

Jus,

I pray that you can see some of the things that are going on here. Fighting Cancer With Poetry and NSBC Scholarship Ministry had a major event on last Saturday. It was in
your honor and your memory. You were a part of the Scholarship Ministry and you are a
part of Fighting Cancer with Poetry.

As usual, the poets were amazing. But I have to say one stood out. Dominique Weeks first
did your “Struggles”. He nailed it. He told me that Struggles hit home with him... it is his favorite. But he wrote a poem as a tribute to you. I think it was entitled “My Name Is...”.
That poem was crazy. He went through amazing characteristics of all of these amazing
people who had done amazing things throughout history and he called their names. As
he ended the poem with characteristics that were no less amazing, he said “My name is
Justin Izlar”.

I have to tell you, I did not expect that. Nobody did. Ma-ma jumped to her feet and just
threw her arms up in the air. It took my breath away and I could not contain myself. I had
to walk away. It was crazy. I really want a copy of it. He performed it like it was his last
performance ever. He did that thing. You would have been so proud of him.
You would be so proud of FCWP. Chris said you set him up for this. I believe you did when you called him and asked him to collaborate with you. He agreed, having no
idea what he was really agreeing to. You would be so proud of him. We all are.
I love you and will see you later.

Mommy

Mother To Son: "Every Time I Turn Around, Something Jumps Out At Me To Remind Me Of You."

Hey Jus,

It seems like funny things happen at the strangest times. Last weekend was a little difficult for me. I had a few things happen that took me back to your rough days, but I still made it through. As I was going to work on Monday, I was driving behind a truck. I looked up and the tag said, “REASONS”.  I was like, "Seriously?! Is this really happening right now?"

I had to drive around the truck, because I found myself just staring at the truck's tag. Every time I turn around, something jumps out at me to remind me of you. Then again, it doesn't take much, because I think about you all the time, but it is what it is.

I am so glad that God gave me you...so I can have you to think about. I used to say that you and Quentin were my prize possessions. That is still so true. Miss you, baby.

Love you,

Mommy

Mother To Son: "I Have Found Peace In Knowing That You've Completed Your Assignment."

Hey Jus,

We had a cookout on Sunday for Memorial Day. The family was there. Meshach, Trey, his family, and Joyce came over. It was really good to see them. You would be so proud of them; all grown up and handling their business. They are still struggling with you being gone, as we are. Aunt Di said you made her fall in love with you and then you left. I guess that’s what happened to all of us. But as you would say, “It is what it is.”

I have found peace in knowing that you've completed your assignment. I haven’t been able to find peace in you being gone. I don’t know if I ever will, but “It is what it is”. You gave us so many good memories. So many things to laugh and smile about. You were truly a gift from God. Occasionally I ask myself what do I do now, then I think of what you did; keep going.

Wow, a Mother’s love. It’s crazy.

Love Mommy

Mother To Son: "Jus, You Are Not Going To Believe This!"

Hey Jus,

You are not going to believe this. I went to a Zumba class the other night. It was my first time. As I was leaving, I was speaking with another lady in the class. She was telling me that she had been attending the class for about 2 or 3 years. During that time she lost her son. He was 28 years old. I asked her when he passed. She said, "October 2012." I told her that I lost my son in January 2012 and he was 25. I told her I lost my son to cancer. She said she lost her son to cancer. I asked her what kind. She said, "Osteosarcoma." I know, crazy right? I could not believe it. I just turned around and walked away. I started to cry and told her my son had osteosarcoma. She started to cry and we stood there hugging each other crying.

I asked her if she had any other children, she said she had one other child, a daughter, but her son was the youngest. I said I have one other child, a son and Justin was my youngest. She said that her daughter had been lost since her son had passed away. I told her Quentin had been lost since you left. She told me that her son was diagnosed in 2005. I said this keeps getting crazier. Justin was diagnosed in 2005.  She said it was in his thigh and knee, I told her it was in your lower leg and knee.  Of course we exchanged numbers and plan to get together to talk.  It was crazy. It was like looking in the mirror.

I went to the next scheduled class and found out that the class had been cancelled until further notice. It was like God had me in the class just long enough to meet her. I said, “God what are you up to?”  I guess we will just have to wait and see. Crazy right?!!!

Until next time, I will always love you.

Mommy

In Memory of Justin: Fighting Cancer With Poetry Presents A Poetry Jam Fundraiser, "Excellence Through Education

Fighting Cancer With Poetry has partnered with the Scholarship Ministry of Justin's home church, New Samaritan Baptist Church! 

We're Fighting Cancer With Poetry and supporting college bound students on June 7th and 8th! Help us make it happen by purchasing your tickets TODAY @ https://newsamaritan.splashthat.com

Andi Loves Her Baby: "That's My Baby!"

I remember as if it were yesterday! A beautiful clear day - hot and sunny, humidity in the air, the park full of rambunctious kids and attentive parents -- after all it was June. Your mother, my sister Sheila, was absolutely gorgeous. Her hair was meticulous; make-up perfect; clothing impeccable; and round and plump with pregnancy. TJ and Quent were running wildly about squealing with laughter and having fun. TJ was your mother's "Baby"; Quent was your Aunt Maxine's "Baby". I didn't have a "Baby". So, on that day, I looked at your beautiful mother, pointed and said "That's my Baby!" A month later on July 23, you were born. From that day to this, you have been my "Baby".

I couldn't wait to get my hands on you at the hospital. OMG you were such a pretty baby, and I made sure everyone within earshot knew that you were my "Baby". In other words, Your Mommy, your Daddy and I, your MaMa, had a bouncing baby boy on that day.

I love you, Baby!

Andi