This is one of the realest poems that I have ever written. I say read at your own discretion because this is very serious, its pretty rough and I AM SURE IT WILL CAUSE SOME TEARS because I shedded my own when writing it. THANKFULLY I AM NO LONGER THERE MENTALLY, which is where the 'Spiritual Response' that is posted after 'The Truth' came from. I didn't put this out before because I saw nothing positive coming out of it, but now I see that it needs to be said. IT IS NOT FOR EVERYONE, but many need to hear the truth about what I have really been going through...
THE TRUTH:
Everyone has seen a side of the truth, but they have not seen it all
I didn’t want to tell everyone because they were good when I didn’t fall
Truth is, cancer is a major mental battle. That’s the weakness of my fort.
Simple things like being an active dude who can no longer play sports.
And it’s a known fact that cancer patient relations are hard
So I lost friends and relationships; they left or we grew apart
It’s understandable. My life stopped. They didn’t have to deal with it.
They could leave and be just as happy. Let’s just be real with it.
It’s cool. For awhile I kept my joy and didn’t let the devil steal it
But that’s because I just knew that the stress would hinder my healing
And make my battle with this disease even that much longer
So I thought happy thoughts to make my chances even stronger
So now I keep going back and forth, between joy and misery.
Trying to do all that I can so that I do not repeat history.
And keep the cancer at a distance, until I learned that was a lie
When I saw the happiest man I knew struggling right before he died
If it’s coming back, it’s coming back. I learned that was the truth
His joy didn’t keep his cancer away. His death was the proof.
Didn’t think I would die though, didn’t plan on going anywhere
But the idea that I might not make it was still lingering in the air
Despite all this, generally I’m good, been that way for awhile
I just pray that I’m good truthfully and that I’m not in denial
The Bible says that God did not give us a spirit of fear
But it’s no longer labeled as fear, its worry that brings my tears.
It says fret not, but how when insurance companies just care about their wealth
And the treatment that I have to receive is a killer in itself
See the chemotherapy kills the cancer, but it also kills me
While the constant lung surgeries are shorting my lung capacity
Then with radiation, how long can my body with stand this ware and tear?
Will I end up on a tank because I am unable to breathe my own air?
And the fact that it moved to my lungs makes this a terminal illness
This would usually cause people to be in a state of stillness
They loose all forms of hope and then begin to give up
Because they have decided even with treatment they are fresh out of luck
Here I am, fighting in the ring of life, but for this match, there’s no ref
So the only way I could be content, was to also be content with death
There are studies that are searching for an answer to this equation
But they still cannot find ways to stop this cancer invasion
People research it and then they get their own solution or thesis.
Truth is there’s only one way to get through this, His name is JESUS!
It's true. It's real. It's MY TESTIMONY.
IRONICALLY I'M EXACTLY WHERE GOD WANTED ME
SO HE CAN GO AHEAD AND MAKE ME WHAT I'M GONNA BE
The ONLY way i am ...the way i am today.
AND GOD SAID:
Justin, this is your Lord. First let Me say that I am proud.
Through all you have endured, you did not forget you were My child.
Just like My child Job, you never stop trusting Me.
People tend to forget this factor, but it is a must you see.
You were correct to believe that I made you that wise
To use all those answers that you came up with inside
You were correct to believe through it all I was your guide
And now I’m taking more control. You will find I’ll provide
You with solutions that the human mind is unable to fathom.
Do not let them pass you by. Make sure that you grab them.
See now that you have finally looked to Me and Me only
I will now show you more miracles and more chances to get to know Me
I am better able to do this because you have become more flexible
Now that I have become even closer than just next to you.
I have carried you a long way, but you are stronger and can walk again.
Like you said, you’re not going anywhere, so this, right here, is not the end.
I have given you revelation. Now you see this was not worthless.
It has prepared you three major ways that will help you fulfill your purpose.
It has prepared you physically, just like I prepared Sampson.
So now you can handle all of your tangible obstacles and some.
It has prepared you mentally. Not just to endure your issues and solve them.
But when you assist others, you can also bare the weight of their problems.
Finally it has prepared you spiritually. This is the most important factor.
For your sincerity has allowed Me to use you. I could not use an actor.
You will continue to learn and grow. You have what you need for now.
So go tell the world the good news. Tell them that they should bow.
For you have a testimony. There are neither lies nor a gimmick.
You are living proof that with Me, not even sky’s the limit.
its a strange peace yet i understand it
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