It has taken me this
long to do this because I have tried to find reprieve in everything. It is hard
for me to think of you as no longer here with us. I suppose because knowing who
you are and WHO’S you are make it impossible. I have defined you as my “friend”
to everyone I tell about you. It’s a cop out to simply say you were my friend.
Truth is you are so much more – an angel, a catalyst for change, a teacher, a
lesson. I truly feel we didn’t and don’t
have a friendship – but rather a connection. From our first introduction by
Sean Barber I knew we would hit it off. We were kindred spirits drawn together
it seemed by music; but even that was deceptive. God had a plan for us – to
change us – to mature us – to lift us up. Our meeting was innocuous enough but
its meaning will forever change the course of my future.
I remember our
arguments, most of them are documented in emails I still have to this day. They
reveal two sure and strong personalities clashing yet protecting a special
connection. I realized fairly soon that we were not meant to be romantically
connected though for a while it was what I wanted. Yet, when we put that behind
us we were able to get down to what God truly intended our meeting to be about.
Our connection helped to usher in a new
season in my faith and walk with Jesus. It taught me to lean not on my own
understanding, to acknowledge God in everything and to NEVER give up. In our
daily lives and flesh we struggled to express ourselves but in our spirits we knew
that it would all work out.
The other day, I reread an email I sent you and in it I
simply said “I will always be there for you.” I hope that in the years since
that email you realize that I meant it. On the surface we appear to be
different people, but at our core our love for family, God and each other kept
us connected. It often seemed you were the breeze and I the tempest. Truly, the
testament of our friendship lies in the fact that though weeks could pass
without a call we picked up right where we’d left off on the next. Though the
paths of our lives forked years ago our connection never faded. For that I am
grateful. It sometimes seemed that the noise of life distorted, disconnected or
disturbed our connection BUT something would happen to reconnect us. For that I
am grateful.
There are aspects of
your personality I will never understand. They seemed incongruent with your
circumstance – your unabashed hope and good natured disposition. For that
reason alone there is not a soul that met yours then left your presence
unmoved. Your assignment on Earth was to show us what it truly meant to trust
and believe in God. You’re my real life Job who through it all remained
faithful! How bountiful your reward in heaven must be right now! I miss the luxury of calling, texting or
facebooking you. I am consoled by the fact that your memory hasn’t and won’t
fade. Though I am too much of a punk to ever get a tattoo on my flesh – your
spirit and mine are still CONNECTED. That’s a deeper tattoo than I’d ever pay someone
else to get! Ha! So, as you are strolling through heaven check the kitchen to
see if salmon cakes are on the menu, if so save me one! I miss you friend,
teacher, lesson and inspiration Justin L. Izlar. You are a trooper. Shellz.
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